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| #4648 | | The distinction between Jewish and goyish can be quite subtle, as the
following quote from Lenny Bruce illustrates:
"I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish.
Eddie Cantor's goyish. The B'nai Brith is goyish. The Hadassah is
Jewish. Marine Corps -- heavy goyish, dangerous.
"Kool-Aid is goyish. All Drake's Cakes are goyish.
Pumpernickel is Jewish and, as you know, white bread is very goyish.
Instant potatoes -- goyish. Black cherry soda's very Jewish.
Macaroons are ____very Jewish. Fruit salad is Jewish. Lime Jell-O is
goyish. Lime soda is ____very goyish. Trailer parks are so goyish that
Jews won't go near them ..."
-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
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| #4649 | | The Fifth Rule:
You have taken yourself too seriously.
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| #4650 | | The First Rule of Program Optimization:
Don't do it.
The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!):
Don't do it yet.
-- Michael Jackson
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| #4651 | | The five rules of Socialism:
(1) Don't think.
(2) If you do think, don't speak.
(3) If you think and speak, don't write.
(4) If you think, speak and write, don't sign.
(5) If you think, speak, write and sign, don't be surprised.
-- being told in Poland, 1987
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| #4652 | | The Following Subsume All Physical and Human Laws:
(1) You can't push on a string.
(2) Ain't no free lunches.
(3) Them as has, gets.
(4) You can't win them all, but you sure as hell can lose them all.
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| #4653 | | The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences:
He who has the gold makes the rules.
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| #4654 | | The Gordian Maxim:
If a string has one end, it has another.
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| #4655 | | The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog:
The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship,
his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks.
Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of
time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp
Hedgehog Eater.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
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| #4656 | | The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
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| #4657 | | The history of warfare is similarly subdivided, although here the phases
are Retribution, Anticipation, and Diplomacy. Thus:
Retribution:
I'm going to kill you because you killed my brother.
Anticipation:
I'm going to kill you because I killed your brother.
Diplomacy:
I'm going to kill my brother and then kill you on the
pretext that your brother did it.
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