 fortune index all fortunes
| | #4198 | | Laws of Computer Programming:
(1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
(2) Any given program costs more and takes longer.
(3) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
(4) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
(5) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
(6) The value of a program is proportional the weight of its output.
(7) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of
the programmer who must maintain it.
| | | #4199 | | Laws of Serendipity:
(1) In order to discover anything, you must be looking for something.
(2) If you wish to make an improved product, you must already
be engaged in making an inferior one.
| | | #4200 | | lawsuit, n.:
A machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.
-- Ambrose Bierce
| | | #4201 | | Lawyer's Rule:
When the law is against you, argue the facts.
When the facts are against you, argue the law.
When both are against you, call the other lawyer names.
| | | #4202 | | Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
| | | #4203 | | learning curve, n.:
An astonishing new theory, discovered by management consultants
in the 1970's, asserting that the more you do something the
quicker you can do it.
| | | #4204 | | Lee's Law:
Mother said there would be days like this,
but she never said that there'd be so many!
| | | #4205 | | Leibowitz's Rule:
When hammering a nail, you will never hit your
finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
| | | #4206 | | Lemma: All horses are the same color.
Proof (by induction):
Case n = 1: In a set with only one horse, it is obvious that all
horses in that set are the same color.
Case n = k: Suppose you have a set of k+1 horses. Pull one of these
horses out of the set, so that you have k horses. Suppose that all
of these horses are the same color. Now put back the horse that you
took out, and pull out a different one. Suppose that all of the k
horses now in the set are the same color. Then the set of k+1 horses
are all the same color. We have k true => k+1 true; therefore all
horses are the same color.
Theorem: All horses have an infinite number of legs.
Proof (by intimidation):
Everyone would agree that all horses have an even number of legs. It
is also well-known that horses have forelegs in front and two legs in
back. 4 + 2 = 6 legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a
horse to have! Now the only number that is both even and odd is
infinity; therefore all horses have an infinite number of legs.
However, suppose that there is a horse somewhere that does not have an
infinite number of legs. Well, that would be a horse of a different
color; and by the Lemma, it doesn't exist.
| | | #4207 | | leverage, n.:
Even if someone doesn't care what the world thinks
about them, they always hope their mother doesn't find out.
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